My Whole30 Journey

You know when you need to make a change, but just can’t do it?

Or you’ve tried to make that change, but gave up after a week or so?

That was me at the end of this summer.

I was at my heaviest weight, stressed out, and defeated. I knew I had to make some major changes in my life if I wanted to take care of the body God has entrusted to me. However, I didn’t know where to turn.

I knew that if anything was going to work I had to do it for myself. Not for the number on the scale, not because my doctor suggested it, not because it was the trendy thing to do, but because I wanted deserved to prioritize my body and take care of myself.

I’ve tried many things before.

I’ve tried Beachbody, but gave up after a few weeks.

I’ve had a gym membership, but didn’t go for months and finally cancelled the membership.

I’ve signed up for a half-marathon, but didn’t end up running in it because I was “hurt” [Read: I didn’t train]

I’ve said I was going to “eat better”, but could never sustain doing so.

I’m not saying the things above are bad. They’re actually great strategies, just ones that didn’t work for me. When I reflect on why those strategies didn’t work for me, it comes down to my lack of motivation and lack of self-worth. Deep down I did not believe I was worth it. I did not believe I was worth the time, energy, and sacrifice truly caring for yourself takes. With all the demands on my life, along with the unnecessary pressure I put on myself, I didn’t believe it could actually happen.

I remember sometime in August being gently reminded by God of Psalm 139. In it, David writes, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” I’ve read this particular verse many times in the past, but this time it hit my heart in a special way. I was reminded that God also fearfully and wonderfully made me and even if I didn’t believe I was worth taking care of this body, surely God was worth the sacrifice!

At that point, I made up my mind that I would complete this. I would prioritize me. I reached out to a dear friend, Liz Gordon-Canlas, for support and said I needed help and want to complete Whole30. Liz helped and encouraged me, along with the many friends, colleagues and family (especially my supportive husband)! Although this was my journey, I’m so grateful for the people who came along for the ride, who checked in on me, encouraged me, and helped me stay accountable. I believe God created us to do life with others and I’m grateful for the many people who came along for the ride with me.

Completing Whole30 changed my life.

I know that might sound cheesy or dramatic, but it’s the truth.

Whole30 has revealed to me my lack of self-discipline.

I’ve always said I had a lot of self-discipline.

A lot of us tell ourselves that.

But are we being honest?

If I have so much self-discipline, why is it so easy to cancel plans when they no longer seem exciting?

If I have so much self-discipline, why is it so easy to quit working out when it gets hard or boring?

If I have so much self-discipline, why does waking up to read my Bible happen far less often than I’d like to admit?

I learned that the food I put in my body has an impact on me.

I learned that using food to numb me, comfort me, and entertain me is not good.

I learned that eating well is possible.

I learned that I matter.

Completing Whole30 was much more than an exercise in eating well.

It was much more than the weight and inches I lost.

Whole30 taught me about self-control, self-discipline, and self-care.

Whole30 allowed me to reflect on the other areas in my life that I need to practice more self-care and self-motivation.

Whole30 provided a space for me to truly be selfish practice self-care.

I’m committing to care for the beautiful, strong, and holy body that God has entrusted to me. Because as the brilliant  scholar, Audre Lorde so eloquently said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

P.S. I compiled some notes that might be helpful for those who are interested in completing a round of Whole30.