I'm Tired

I've been trying to find a way to describe how I felt about the #Blksapblackout that occurred on Friday March 25, 2016. This was a movement of Black Student Affairs Professionals that took over the Student Affairs Professionals Facebook page with the sharing of articles, videos, and personal stories addressing the experiences of Black people in higher education." (Ramiz, 2016). One of my Black colleagues, Bulaong Ramiz, writes a great blog post about the #Blackout for those unfamiliar. 

Since poetry is the heartbeat of my soul, I decided to write a poem entitled "I'm Tired" that is a reflection of my feelings regarding the #Blksapblackout and how it feels being a Black student affairs professional.

I’m Tired

I’m tired of having to explain myself,

Anytime anything happens to me.

I’m so tired of having to make a case,

Because my truth they don’t want to see.

I’m tired of exerting energy,

With no reprieve in sight.

I’m so tired I have no words to express this,

Why do I always have to fight the good fight?

I’m tired of being twice as good,

When they can get away with being bad.

I’m so tired of playing by the rules,

That weren’t created for me to pass.

I’m tired of being at the margins,

Which forces me to exert my voice loud.

I’m so tired of convincing folks why my story matters,

Trying to convince them why I’m so proud.

I’m tired of having to check my emotions,

Because it won’t help “bring the conversation in”.

I’m so tired of being told my anger should be managed,

That I should hold my true feelings in.

I’m tired of people’s feelings being held above mine,

Which scars like a whip and chain.

I’m so tired of being treated like someone’s slave,

With the master controlling the game.

I’m tired of being told her shame should concern me,

When she’s the one who called me a “whining petulant child”.

I’m so tired of my hurt being marginalized,

Ignored, neglected and forced to hide.

I’m so tired of empty apologies.

I’m so tired of the blank stares.

I’m so tired of having to suffer for your learning sake.

I’m so tired, this shit ain’t fair!