Second Time Around

I’ve been wanting to write this poem titled “No one told me” regarding my doctoral experience. I have some thoughts on paper and some thoughts in my mind, but it hasn’t been coming together the way I hoped it would. This is discouraging because my plan is to share this poem at a professional conference I’m presenting at next month. Lately, my poetry is not where I want it to be. I have good thoughts that come to me, but they come during the most inopportune times like when I am driving or in the shower. Clearly, this makes it difficult to get my ideas on paper. This has led me to feel down regarding my writing and contemplating how much of a poet I really am.

I decided to pause and take a deep breath. As I did, I remembered the last in-class assignment one of my professors gave last semester. My classmates and I had a different reflection question, but only had 10 minutes to respond to the question. My question was something about how my time in the doctoral program has been impacted by my previous experience as a Master’s student, because I completed my Master’s degree in the same program that I am in currently. However, for my question my professor insisted that I write my reflection as a poem. Initially, I was irritated! I felt like it was unfair to expect me to write a poem, and a good one at that, in only 10 minutes. Meanwhile, my classmates only had to write a reflection and could do it how they wanted. However, anyone who knows me well knows that I’m always up for a good challenge, so I did it! In 10 minutes, I wrote a poem entitled “Second Time Around”, which is below. This poem is a reflection on how it feels to be in graduate school, in the same place, for a second time.

Remembering this experience reminded me that even when the odds are against me, I’m up against a deadline, or I don’t have anything worthwhile to say that deep down I know I am a poet. I know I can write and that is what encouraged me to pick up the pen again and get at it, because I can finish my new poem before the conference in March. I hope my story of struggle encourages and reminds you that you too have it in you to do whatever you need to do. And perhaps you only need 10 minutes.

Second Time Around

Second time around feels easier.

Not because it is, but because I know what to expect.

I know the rules to the game,

How to let go of the shame,

And let my light shine.

Second time around feels stronger.

Like I developed the muscles needed for this battle.

I now know how to fight,

How to find the light,

And keep on pushing, even when it’s hard.

Second time around feels confidence.

Flowing through my veins like the Ohio River.

I know my voice should be at the center,

How to speak and not wither,

Like the fall leaves at winter.

Second time around feels courage.

Vulnerability isn’t an option anymore, but my only choice.

I want my authenticity to shine,

As I walk the fine line,

Of the academy that was never created for me.

Second time around feels grateful.

An opportunity I never take for granted.

I will use my privilege to make positive changes,

While giving myself grace through the stages,

That this second time journey has afforded me.

Second time around.